Category Archives: Happiness

Sep29

Nu

Posted on September 29, 2019 by thejewishpoetess

by Dana Janine Diamond

I would wish you a sweet new year. I always have. The memories are gone, the future unknown. We have trees and stars and pink sunrises and pink sunsets, and lights sparkling over the river that is ever moving. There is a wheel turning somewhere in the sky, dispensing mazel. We stand under it, like we do with mistletoe, our palms outstretched, ready to catch it when it falls, ready to kiss the godliness within, ready to find love. We anticipate the embrace of love.

We carry with us a pink afghan. When I was younger, I knitted a beautiful afghan, all shades of green, from dark to light. And I carried it with me, everywhere I went, from room to room in my homes. We all have many homes. Some are waiting to be found.

So, here we are, searching. Our souls are slowly moving a flashlight out over the darkness. Our ancestors have been lighting candles for thousands of years. God knows the apple’s been in play since the beginning. Oh, but the honey. If only the sweetness would cover everything, would last. I remember dipping my toes into water and feeling refreshed, exhilarated, soothed.

This year will either make us or break us. It will take all of our strength just to lift the slice of apple with our fingers, drench it in a bit of honey, and slip it into our mouth. It will be tart and sweet simultaneously. As Jews, we never forget the bitterness; it’s always there. The joy can be elusive at times.

It feels like we’re living out the same story over and over again, peering out into the distance for happiness. It could be there, just over the horizon. It could be hidden within us, because we love. The journey could really be gratitude, and so we’ve arrived.

The challah is our reminder, be grateful. It’s full, like a soft cushion. Don’t be fooled by the harder, outer surface. I tell myself this. It’s our path to joy.

If I could raise my glass, I would wish you a sweet new year. Abundant and precious, filled to the brim with new hope.

Jul20

Caught between the sun and the moon

Posted on July 20, 2019 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

by Dana Janine Diamond

Low tides bring subtle pleasures

miss those days

when gentleness

washed over us

forget walking on water

and other prophecies

I’d be grateful just

to walk

in the sea

arms outstretched

to God and love

and sheer happiness

it all didn’t just

disappear

into the horizon

or follow the sunset

off the edge

there were those

who stole everything

I don’t clock sunsets

or sunrises

I don’t walk shorelines

anymore

but I will again

you may have held

your temporary victories

but the motherfuckers

won’t win

not on my watch

not with our hearts

not against our strength

you’re sinking

we’re collecting seashells

we’re floating above

the shimmering waters

we’ve got this

we are deep waters

Jan19

Birthday

Posted on January 19, 2019 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

Echo, play Joni Mitchell

and I’m singing along

back in my college dorm

she cheered my love

nursed my heartbreak

I’m on my green circles couch

in my family room

with my cat and dog

waiting for

the slight scratch of the needle

as it kisses the album

listening to the music

every day after school

I barely remember what I learned

back then

but I know every song I listened to

the lyrics, oh the lyrics

they have filled my mind

for a lifetime

I ran outside in the morning

danced in the afternoon

in my living room

where my family gathered

to host book clubs

and discuss liberal politics,

my french piano in the corner

my brother played guitar

with his friends

I pontificated

about passing the ERA

knocked on doors

won debates

still, still…

gossiped on the phone

for hours with girlfriends

twisting the cord round

and round

and poetry, always poetry

I read Catcher in the Rye

in elementary school

and asked my teacher

in all innocence

what a boner was

he turned bright red

(he’s a bestselling author now

so he turned out okay)

my life is a series

of connections

the night I lost

my virginity in college

I took a long, late night walk

under the stars

in the moonlight

and the first person I saw,

told, was JD Salinger’s daughter

she congratulated me

it all makes sense

in retrospect

of course the feckless

curly, red-haired boy

broke my heart

he wanted to be a chiropractor

to this day I don’t really trust chiropractors

I loved my twenties

married the love of my life

in secret

in a pinky-peach, soft Betsy Johnson dress

he’s back running Greece now

but we talked and kissed

for hours and hours

in Village cafes

for years

I owned the streets of NY

if you ever lived there

you know what I mean

riding in limousines

to deliver champagne

gifts from Steve and Ian

thanks for keeping

them out of jail

we danced and decorated

and celebrated

and I loved Hilly

how not to,

edited stories at MS.

Gloria was luminous

God, my twenties were fun

but then the poetry called

I needed to understand

the mysteries

of this world,

walked that path

with my loyalty

to a fault

escaped, but not before

bruises on my face

on my soul

I look back and wonder

how did I endure that life?

And yet leaving religion

took all of my courage

and then some

I’ve been molested, raped, punched

spat on (fuck you Rabbi ;))

but my glowing spirit

outshines all you

could ever do

because I’m wild and precious

I’m a colorful garden

still growing

my magnificent rose

she is everything

I leave my words as rose petals

my loving gift to you

Sep15

Regrets

Posted on September 15, 2018 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

by Dana Janine Diamond

The moment of repentance

is nearly upon us

I used to be a good person

maybe

I don’t know anymore

it’s all convoluted and confused

by all the rape and abuse

and maybe I never

thought I was good?

After my ex-husband tried

to kill me, I used to wish

I could find some mob guy

and put a hit on him

after all, I was forced to leave

Malibu, my soul’s homeland

and became exiled to New Jersey

that alone, and the pain and sudden,

abject poverty were enough

to wish him dead.

Then me and my baby girl

could go back home

to the place that sung to me

by day and romanced me

by night

how I longed for majestic waves and vistas

that filled every nook and cranny of

my being

the shoreline is a distant memory

we have music here… but we’re landlocked.

When he died (of natural causes)

I cried for weeks

but then, I rejoiced

every single time I remember

he’s dead, I smile

I no longer live in the same fear

that permeated my life for over

seventeen years.

Nothing is as I thought it would be

feels like we’re in a permanent state

of Tisha B’Av

I’ve made some apologies, sure,

but I don’t really know where I am

anymore. We are in

an inside online world

Nature is in the distance

I still remember the drive

and optimism

now, contemplating goodness

and fear and anger

goodness, anger is the worst

sin of all

for a woman

it renders us not good

in the eyes of the world

anger and sadness

and fear and happiness

are all mixed up

nearly indiscernible

I suppose I’m the quintessential

wandering Jew

from land to land

from spiritual quest

to spiritual journey

from pain

to unimaginable pain

and though the day is close

forgiveness is not a

road I’m traveling on

I brew my tea, hold

my dogs, hug

my daughter

for hours of my days

I cook the most delicious, inventive food

I nurture, I write almost endlessly

till writing makes me known,

until it makes me a stranger

all that is in me

seeps out

the wonder-filled good and

loving heart

and the despair,

the hardness

the longing for justice

the frustration and impatience

we are locked in this moment

I have no idea where I’m going

what lies ahead

or is waiting to greet me

if only God and love

would meet me

Sep29

Truth and Forgiveness

Posted on September 29, 2017 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

by Dana Janine Diamond

This year
I am starting to forgive
my ex-husband
for all the harm
he did
of course, it is not for me
to forgive
his evil deeds
toward others,
against my child.
and what is real
is that the best chance
he gave me
to forgive
him was in
dying young.
he tortured us
for too many years
and I could click my heels
now that he’s gone.
the rest of you
if you’re still alive
I wouldn’t hold my breath
are we supposed to ignore
the vengeful, angry God
who lives on
in all of us
should we pretend
there is only love
or are we meant
to emulate angels
who never move
their feet
are we never meant
to fly
across the horizon
will we ever see
all that is below and above…
we’re not done yet
so forgiveness is not
on the menu
this year
but I will sing
anyway
because I am moving
we are singing
my lips are praying
I have some measure
of happiness
and that is significant.
just one word
to the…
hey, God,
don’t close your eyes
on us
we have traveled
a year
and we are not there
yet
wondering
are you

Sep20

Prayers for a Queen to step out of her shadow

Posted on September 20, 2017 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

Buried
all the pain
but it insists
on climbing through the mist
spectral fingers clawing
peering out of the mud
feeling their way
pulling us back
underground
it’s been more
so much more
it shouldn’t have been
at all
for all the little flowers
emanating light
sending wishes
like honey candles
in the blue, sugared night
I don’t know
if a new sun,
a new year
holds more promises
than the last
I don’t know
if faith works
I don’t know
what hope will bring
all my memories
are here with me now
maybe this is why
we mark time
so we can remember
our parents’ songs
so we can sing
with our children
maybe this year
I won’t be alone
on the floor
of the chapel outskirts
awash in angst and despair
maybe this year
the good
will outnumber
the pain
there is no telling.
All the intellect
and intricate beauty
brings minute comfort
in moments
such as these
the unfathomable
governs
but we rise
by uttering, recognizing,
naming
our blessings
praising gratitude
and abundant, unending love.

May14

Gift

Posted on May 14, 2017 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

I could make my mother laugh
I can make my daughter laugh
I can laugh to myself
and this makes me
invincible
still vulnerable
I am traveling by gondola
in a narrow waterway
flowers blooming everywhere
roses, peonies, ranuculus, hydrangeas
queen anne’s lace and baby’s breath
hot pink and cream, riotous colors
light glistening, shimmering
on the water’s surface
the sun and moon
are about to kiss
I, we,
don’t really know
where we are going
we just see love
I have to believe
the angels
are laughing with us
and love will save us
love saves this impressionistic
shabby, tie-dyed
magnificent
world
I have to believe
we will prevail

Jan1

New Year’s Day

Posted on January 1, 2017 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

I saw Bono sing
to me
back in New Jersey
when I still had hope
for each shiny, new day
bouncing in and out of bed
in the city
perched on the windowsill
of The Plaza Hotel
I saw the snowflakes singing
to the people below
hearts fluttering down
waves rolling in
to the shores
sipping a mimosa
on the deck
trying not to show
that I was eavesdropping
on Fleetwood Mac
at the table across
those easy days in California
that only seemed easy
when poems and the sea
filled my head
when she was younger
we headed to Boca or Bal Harbor
flew kites on the beach
weighed down our pockets
with precious shells
that let us hear far
across the oceans
to Sting playing in a barn
outside of Paris
I swept that aside
as we explored abandoned
mansions in the blue Maryland hills
climbed Red Rock Canyon
in the dry, desolate desert,
ran with our dog in the fields
and around the lake
laughing, writing, smiling
and now we are stuck
in the rocky Tennessee top
the trees will have to be new
for us this year
there is nothing to see
but their dwindling leaves,
the forlorn menorah
and our memories
across the blue-gray sky.

Oct14

Service

Posted on October 14, 2016 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

I sat there
calmly shouting
f*** you
in my head
over and over again
until it became a litany
a meditation
a poetic lament
to replace the one meant
for the overwhelming sin
in ploughing diamonds
invisible snow falling
down on my skin
the sun is out
a simon of hope
or an affront
I’m listening for words
to comfort the broken,
broken heart
I think you want my wrath
you in your all-knowingness
know you deserve it
it’s the best I can muster
I am a mother and child
just a Jewish poetess
you abandoned
better than ignoring you
I hold you accountable
did I commit
the iniquity
of expecting too much
from you?
am I the fool
who chose hope
for the Jews
even after the Holocaust
or the girls
even after…everything
touching my breast
al chait, the rape
I’m now looking for proof
that you love
your children
all of your children
even after slavery
I advocated for you
I sit and wonder
how we get through
the leaves are coloring
us
when I was loyal to you
though you laid
my thanksgiving table
bare
even the quiecent stars
languishing in the sky
said they were sorry
still, you
are silent
I’m not ready to forgive
surely you know
you must beg me
not for my sake
I am awake
listening
wistfully waiting
thinking,
woebegone

Aug2

An End of Summer Approaches

Posted on August 2, 2016 by thejewishpoetess

Standard

By Dana Janine Diamond

In the south
we start to wind down
in early August
school begins and fall
is just a feather away
tickling our senses
we sort through long
sleeve shirts soon
to be worn
the storms
gasp their heave ho
thunder complains
about what we down here
have wrought

We’ve planted some
seeds this summer
neglected others
come ’round the gatekeepers
for the blossoms
they arch this way
and that
alert for the winds
in search
of profound
change
shimmering in streams,
wells, oh wells,
the air is redolent
hope is rich and heavy
just above reach
branches brushed aside
by the quick family
of deer on the run
some mornings
we’ve really looked
at each other
as if we understood
what the other is
going through
I sigh
my dog sighs
she is restless
pacing, pacing
we all dance to
God’s symphony

Some of you want more
exotic vacation pictures
some of you want more
better politics
some of you want more
charity and peace
on earth
it’s a hot season
and poetry
isn’t plucked quite
so easily
this pounding rain
it’s so loud and
attention-seeking
it’s shaking the foundation
of the house
we’ve loved
the shelter
we never took
for granted
not even for one
day

We will miss
berry season
it went so quick
strawberries, blueberries,
raspberries, gooseberries,
faithful treasures
we hunted their scent
as if it was an aphrodisiac
for love of God’s bounty
these small, plump moments
understated laughter
the quiet of a content
home, a multitude
of green leaves on trees
peering through
our windows
overwhelmed with love
light and hot pink
peonies sidling up
to white hydrangeas
a glimmer of iridescent light
upon the tenebrous pond
a sweep of notes
climbing, climbing
to a crescendo

Every morning
the rooster across
the way
made sure
we knew
we were alive
we saw the sun
hovering in the sky
waiting, as each day
flew summer
away from us
postcards in the distance
soon pears
and apples
will fall
beside red barns
and white stars
all that we know
for certain
is we will be writing.