Tag Archives: Domestic Violence

Regrets

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by Dana Janine Diamond

 

The moment of repentance

is nearly upon us

I used to be a good person

maybe

I don’t know anymore

it’s all convoluted and confused

by all the rape and abuse

and maybe I never

thought I was good?

 

After my ex-husband tried

to kill me, I used to wish

I could find some mob guy

and put a hit on him

after all, I was forced to leave

Malibu, my soul’s homeland

and became exiled to New Jersey

that alone, and the pain and sudden,

abject poverty were enough

to wish him dead.

 

Then me and my baby girl

could go back home

to the place that sung to me

by day and romanced me

by night

how I longed for majestic waves and vistas

that filled every nook and cranny of

my being

the shoreline is a distant memory

we have music here… but we’re landlocked.

 

When he died (of natural causes)

I cried for weeks

but then, I rejoiced

every single time I remember

he’s dead, I smile

I no longer live in the same fear

that permeated my life for over

seventeen years.

 

Nothing is as I thought it would be

feels like we’re in a permanent state

of Tisha B’Av

I’ve made some apologies, sure,

but I don’t really know where I am

anymore. We are in

an inside online world

 

Nature is in the distance

I still remember the drive

and optimism

now, contemplating goodness

and fear and anger

goodness, anger is the worst

sin of all

for a woman

it renders us not good

in the eyes of the world

anger and sadness

and fear and happiness

are all mixed up

nearly indiscernible

 

I suppose I’m the quintessential

wandering Jew

from land to land

from spiritual quest

to spiritual journey

from pain

to unimaginable pain

and though the day is close

forgiveness is not a

road I’m traveling on

 

I brew my tea, hold

my dogs, hug

my daughter

for hours of my days

I cook the most delicious, inventive food

I nurture, I write almost endlessly

till writing makes me known,

until it makes me a stranger

all that is in me

seeps out

the wonder-filled good and

loving heart

and the despair,

the hardness

the longing for justice

the frustration and impatience

we are locked in this moment

 

I have no idea where I’m going

what lies ahead

or is waiting to greet me

if only God and love

would meet me

 

COPYRIGHT 2018 Dana Janine Diamond ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. See Copyright Notice pertaining tothejewishpoetess.wordpress.com

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Truth and Forgiveness

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by Dana Janine Diamond

This year
I am starting to forgive
my ex-husband
for all the harm
he did
of course, it is not for me
to forgive
his evil deeds
toward others,
against my child.
and what is real
is that the best chance
he gave me
to forgive
him was in
dying young.
he tortured us
for too many years
and I could click my heels
now that he’s gone.
the rest of you
if you’re still alive
I wouldn’t hold my breath
are we supposed to ignore
the vengeful, angry God
who lives on
in all of us
should we pretend
there is only love
or are we meant
to emulate angels
who never move
their feet
are we never meant
to fly
across the horizon
will we ever see
all that is below and above…
we’re not done yet
so forgiveness is not
on the menu
this year
but I will sing
anyway
because I am moving
we are singing
my lips are praying
I have some measure
of happiness
and that is significant.
just one word
to the…
hey, God,
don’t close your eyes
on us
we have traveled
a year
and we are not there
yet
wondering
are you


COPYRIGHT 2017 Dana Janine Diamond ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. See Copyright Notice pertaining to thejewishpoetess.wordpress.com

Dream America 

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By Dana Janine Diamond 

What has become
of our country?
Why are so many
hanging on
the every word
of a madman
What is the soul
sickness that plagues

God, I miss daisies
and kindness
on the summer lawn
fruit pies, flags, and
the band
the hazy, beautiful memory
of who we once were

We might not
know the answers
for years
to come
24/7 tells
us less than
an investigation
or a simple
mental health diagnosis
like when his psychiatrist
said, ‘If you stay,
he won’t stop
trying to kill you,
he hates his mother,
and you’re here.’

Bring us
the grace
out on the water
bring us
the light
out to sea
give us the
sweetness of
the farmed land
elusive serenity
let our Plains
sing
and mountains
tremble,
as we gather
in their shelter
bring us the love
bring us love
we need to pray
for love

lay the dark down
aren’t we just exhausted
from it all

Raise your hand
if you’ve lived
through this before
now America knows
what it’s like
to endure
domestic violence
stop
the
abuse
stop
letting him
berate us

I once was on
the lam
with my infant
in my gold
mini-van
for 100 days
hiding from the
crazy, violent man
I had pledged
my allegiance to
the police
said my home
was no longer
safe and secure
mezuzah, talismans,
and candles
notwithstanding

Dear America,
tea partiers, hemp fans,
middle road warriors
time to call
it a day
let the sun
set on this son
a lot of these
men are confused
they don’t recognize
what’s happening

It’s painful and sad
the loss of a dream
but we must
rally and overcome
pick up our babies
and go
we will love
our way
forward

This poem was originally published in Times of Israel on August 4, 2016. 

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/dream-america/

COPYRIGHT 2016 Dana Janine Diamond ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. See Copyright Notice pertaining to thejewishpoetess.wordpress.com